Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
