you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
