she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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