We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
