If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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