Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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