Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish I only lived at night.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
