When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
