so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
