Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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