Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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