Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
