On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
