I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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