I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
