u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
