Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
