Well douche your snatch and let's go!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
