I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
