Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
