Nicole vs. Life
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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