i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
