I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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