come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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