I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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