i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
