I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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