My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
