Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
