I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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