I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
