why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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