we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
