Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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