I'm so fucking centered right now
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
