She is in my trunk
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
