I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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