Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
