Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
