this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
