this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
