I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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