it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
