Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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