Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
