he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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