I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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