Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
