airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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