I faked an abortion last night.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's never too late to be topless.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
