One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i already hear my dad disowning me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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