ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
