i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
