listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
