So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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