tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
