it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
