sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
